This week the Five Minute Friday prompt from Lisa-Jo at The Gypsy Mama is:
Most of my days see me existing in a state of beyond-ness. I am beyond tired. Beyond frustrated. Beyond stressed. Beyond exasperated.
My baby won't stop grabbing my fingers for even the five minutes of writing this post. It is beyond aggravating.
I woke this morning to my stomach grumbling: beyond hungry.
I look around our apartment, boxes piled everywhere, flat surfaces covered in detritus I haven't yet sorted, having not yet decided what to keep, what to trash, how to pack it: it is beyond chaos.
My food sensitivities continue to confound us. I am beyond perplexed. When I eat something I should not, the reaction is beyond uncomfortable, beyond painful. My post-partum depression/mood symptoms have returned. It appears nut butter is an offender. I had cashew butter for breakfast. It has rendered me beyond the limits of my patience.
I cling desperately to the last shreds of sanity and patience, thoroughly unwilling to concede defeat.
I am not yet beyond hope.
Because I look at my family, in the moments when I steel myself and breathe deeply, seeking peace, seeking grace, and I am beyond joy. In the midst of the screaming entropy that is this life most days, my heart expands.
Because yesterday, as I went to lay my sleeping baby down for her nap, she turned, curling her body onto mine, throwing her arm across my chest, pinning me down and I took it as the divine invitation that it was. To rest. To take ease. To rejoice in the singular beauty that is a napping child, soft and warm and breathing, all goodness and innocence and total abandon.
Because I was beyond tired, beyond frustrated, beyond stressed.
And She gave me rest.
Beautiful. It's been a long time since I've felt those motherhood "beyonds", and your post reminds me of how precious those moments are. When our children give us what we need.
ReplyDeleteRobin - visiting from Lisa-Jo's
Amazing five minutes of writing, espcially with little hands grabing at your fingers. I so understand every single beyond you feel, and know the need Blessed for reading this today, thank you.
ReplyDeleteMarissa @ forfunreadinglist.blogspot.com
Praying for you.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful post. Expressing so well both sides of beyond. Gypsy mama visitor here.
ReplyDeleteOh gal, I've been there. I never knew postpartum depression existed until I lived it ...so I lived guilt ridden for a few years thinking I was a terrible mom because life wasn't grins, giggles and pink ribbons. Finally a wonderful lady who became a wonderful friend looked at me and must have seen my pain and simply said, "I wasn't normal for 3 years after I had my daughter." A weight lifted and from there things gradually got better. Be encouraged! Thanks for being real, being honest...it will serve you well. prayers!
ReplyDeleteLove to help you if you would like some resources/information. Jenny
ReplyDeleteGreat post. In my world many moons ago, I really didn't know enough about post-partum. I was too proud to admit that I needed support. Thank the Lord for great people who have a knack of knowing that you're in trouble. May God bless you on your journey to wellness, including figuring out your sensitivities. I have sensitivities in my family history and if I can be of any help, please email me. I am a grandma now and loving it. I love kids and I love helping others.....I have some resources I could refer to you, if needed.
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