Sunday, September 28, 2008

Impetus, or, Getting Back to Things

We went to a wedding yesterday evening. It was a lovely ceremony, including an Anglican Mass, which I enjoyed; I'd never celebrated the Eucharist at an Anglican church before. The bride and groom are both friends of mine from undergrad, as were many of the guests. I saw classmates whom I haven't seen in over four years!! It was lovely, and I was very proud, indeed, to show off Glynis.

But - of course there's a but - when everyone would ask "So, what have you been up to?" the only interesting thing I could think of to say was "Baby". I mean, these are all my friends who've finished their undergrads - on time! - and gone on to multiple graduate degrees. One woman made history by being the first person in some 40 years to complete the undergraduate, masters and doctoral level Latin exams at U of T in less than 8 months. Another was a senior federal ethics advisor. Another is a doctoral candidate but recently spent a year teaching at the College of the Humanities where we all first met! Most have travelled the world, and seen and done things of which I can only dream. I've had a baby. I'm proud of her and of myself and of my husband, and am happy with many of the choices we've made, but I cannot help but wonder: what happened? Why did I spend 6 months working in law firms when I had no desire to make a career out of it? Why did I settle for doing administrative monkey work for a half-assed online high school in the sticks for three months? Why have I spent the last year working for a charity, whose policy initiatives I don't even wholly condone, managing a database and printing out form letters?! And why, oh why, did I ever consider going back there after my mat leave is up?!!

I woke up this morning and told The Man: we need to figure out what the hell I am doing with my life. I ended up in tears by the afternoon, not being able to stop thinking about just how bored I was even telling my old and dear friends what a non-starter my life has become. I told The Man, "I'm ashamed of myself. I had all this potential, and I just...wasted it."

So, that's it. I cannot entertain the idea of going back to my job. I can't. It is absolutely imperative that I find another way, another path, or rather, find my way back to the path I was originally on some five or six years ago. We are going to find a way to have me finish my degree, bolster my resume for grad schools, and then look into graduate studies. I'm going to start reconsidering myself. Rather than thinking of myself as a failure, as someone who forgot to finish her degree, abandoning her goals, who is therefore unworthy or unqualified for great things, I will start to think of myself who is on her way toward the place she always belonged. I'm just fortunate enough to have a husband and daughter along with me!

I read Peanut Oh, The Places You'll Go this afternoon; the message was for me, too.

Today is your day!

...Your mountain is waiting.
So...Get on your way!

Sunday, September 07, 2008

Brr, or, Sweater Weather!

The forecast for tomorrow is a high of 22C. For Tuesday: 19C. Finally!! My sweaters can come out of hibernation, having been largely ignored for the second half of this past winter and all spring due to my enormous round belly, and can, thankfully! cover up my still-not-so-skinny post-preggo upper-arms! And my scarves! I can wear scarves again! I wore my beautiful Jaywalker scarf to church today with great enthusiasm.

*Sigh* Autumn!

Friday, September 05, 2008

Finally, or, So I missed Wednesday; whatcha gonna do about it?

Bet you can't guess what this is!


I'm supremely happy with how it is turning out so far. If I finish it and it doesn't fit, I may scream. But that's pretty unlikely, because of how it's constructed.


I adore the buttons. I got them at this very upscale fabric shop only two blocks from our house (I love being downtown!!). They cost...uh, more than we'll tell The Man. I don't think he'd understand spending twice as much on the buttons as I did for the yarn. That said, I got the yarn for about $2, so really it's still a very inexpensive garment.

So far, so pretty. I'll keep you posted as this progresses.

Monday, September 01, 2008

Two weeks ago, or, At the Font

Two weeks ago, Peanut had her big day at church and was baptised. She was sweet and good and only fussed a little. With the third application of water, she stopped fussing and just looked around. Oh, she was just a perfect little doll.


I made her dress out of fabric left over from making my wedding gown with re-purposed lace from an antique wedding gown my mother found. The pattern was essentially just a copy of a hand-me-down dress from our good friends, K&M, but with smocking instead of a gathered skirt and little puffed sleeves. I am very pleased with how it turned out, though I think the smocking could have turned out a little better if I'd pleated it a little more shallowly.

Because I made the pattern up myself, and it was the first child's garment I have ever sewn, we had a liiiittle trouble getting it on. It took teamwork!



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