chocolate peanut butter fudge pudding

Yes, really.

In my previous post I talked about the challenge of baking gluten-free. But what's a sweet-tooth to do? Fortunately, no-bake gluten-free desserts are easier and generally more successful than baked ones. Any recipe that fits into a raw-food or nearly-raw diet will almost certainly be gluten-free (uncooked wheat flour? No, thank you!) as well as egg-free. As a result I've been looking at a lot of raw-food recipes, as well as vegan recipes to accommodate the current limitations to my diet.

And yesterday I came up with this:




Chocolate peanut butter fudge pudding. Free of gluten, dairy, eggs, soy and refined sugar. And let me tell you: it's awesome. Actually, rather unbelievably so. And it's easy: really, really easy.

In a food processor or blender combine:
1/2 cup tahini
2 tbsp natural peanut butter
2 tbsp cocoa powder
1/4 cup maple syrup
3fl oz (or 6 tbsp) nut, coconut or rice milk.
Blend well.

And that's it! If the pudding seems too thick or stiff, add a little more milk. It also tends to thicken up with standing, so if you're planning to make it ahead add an extra tablespoon or two while blending. This makes about 2 portions. It's very rich, so I find a moderately sized portion satisfies nicely.

Creamy, chocolatey and delightfully nutty, this pudding is going to be getting a lot of spoon time at our table from now on.

allergen-free but definitely not yummy-free

Cored pineapples were on sale the last time I went to the grocery store. I bought two. My current favourite thing to do with fresh pineapple is so ridiculously simple and so undeniably yummy I needed to share it with you. Last night I made it with quinoa, but it works just as well with cooked rice.



For one large serving, cook 1 cup of dry rice. While it's cooking, chop 1/4 to 1/2 of a pineapple into small bite-sized pieces. Heat 2 tbsp of coconut oil in a deep skillet over medium-high heat, adding the pineapple once it's hot. Sauté the pineapple pieces until they begin to soften and turn golden brown or about 10 minutes. To the pan add about 1/4 cup cashews (I used raw cashew halves, but you could use roasted cashews. Adjust your seasoning if you use salted cashews) and 1/4 tsp ground coriander and sauté about 2 minutes.  While they cook, rinse and loosely chop baby spinach leaves, removing stems.  Turn off the heat and add the cooked rice or quinoa and the spinach leaves. Toss well, seasoning with salt and pepper to taste.



Eat it up! This a great, easy, common-allergen-free meal containing both protein and healthy fats. Yummm....

Gluten-free dinners require only a re-imagining of how meals can look. Gluten-free baking, on the other hand, is a tricky business. Before we went gluten-free I rarely used recipes: I was a "throw it in a bowl until it looks right" type of baker. And it worked, surprisingly well at times. But gluten-free? Using a recipe - heck, even using a mix - I've had some pretty sorry baking fails, let alone going without a recipe. Baking is always science, and eliminating gluten (and in my current diet, also eliminating dairy, soy, eggs and refined sugar) makes that science far more tricky. Every time I go to bake something I feel a certain inner lurch: "Oh...I hope this works..."

Take Wednesday morning, for example. Peanut declared she wanted muffins. I happened to have Ontario-made The Mix Company's Spice Lovers Muffin Gluten-free Mix in the cupboard. Score. But I warned her: "Honey, these might not turn out. We'll have to wait and see. I hope they'll be good, but if they aren't we'll have to think of something else for breakfast, alright?" Because I'm just never sure what will happen.



I thought about using eggs per the recipe on the package, but I really wanted to be able to try them myself. What I love about The Mix Company's mixes is that many are also sugar-free, so I can use an alternate sweetener to adhere to my elimination diet. So I swapped the eggs out for ground flax seed, the sugar for maple syrup and used coconut oil instead of butter. Mixed them up in the food processor, stirred in some frozen blueberries and then popped them in the oven.



They took a little longer to cook than the 15-18 minutes recommended but in the end they were really quite tasty.



Now: did you notice what I did there? Just up there about the muffins? Do you recall the post where I said I killed my food processor? No, it didn't rise like Lazarus and start blending up dates again: this momma has a new toy. A new, functioning, shiny red toy.



Because this momma has a birthday coming up this month and has a wonderful momma of her own who couldn't wait to gift it.



This thing makes short work of whole, pitted dates. It's amazing. I made a small batch of Lara bars in a fraction of the time I could have with my old machine. I love it! And it makes the recipe I'm about to share with you unbelievably quickly, too. Check the next post for something extra-yummy.

to wellness

Nearly 6 months ago, I came out, as it were. I admitted to myself and - possibly more importantly - my family as well as to the internet that I was struggling. More than struggling: drowning, and needed real help.

It took five more months before I actually started getting help. Because... I don't know. Mainly I just really didn't want to go on prescription medication. I have no moral or philosophical objection to antidepressants or anti-anxiety medications - years ago I was on them a number of times - I just really didn't want to take them this time.

We tried to support me better as a family, tried to make concessions to my mental health, but ultimately, things continued more or less the same as they had been before that post I wrote back in November. And I clung for dear life to my sanity and tried - but largely failed, if I'm being very honest - to keep it from affecting our children. Our darling, beautiful children.


Finally, it was time to commit to healing. But my reticence to visit my family doctor and start prescription medication hadn't changed. Instead, I contacted a local naturopathic clinic - the Ottawa Integrative Health Centre. I filled out a fourteen page intake form which touched on literally every part of my life. I wept through half of my hour and a half long first appointment, describing to my new, lovely naturopathic doctor, who looked on with kind and understanding eyes, the myriad ways my mood turns in the course of a week. The ways it tortures me and my children. The feelings of desperation and utter loss of control and helplessness.

And she listened to me, for a very long time, and she read through my intake form. When she got to the section where I was to list the five "most significant, stressful events" of my life, she was caring and concerned and sympathetic - "You had a housefire?!" And then, when she'd heard and read everything, she said, "Well, I definitely see some things..."


I breathed a sigh of relief because if she sees some things of concern, there might be room to make me well. Truly well.

Food allergies, particularly gluten. So I'm gluten-free again as I mentioned the other day. Hypoglycemia, so I'm eating protein every few hours. More B6. Some breathing exercises.

It's helping. It's far from a magic wand, but it's definitely improved things. I've been mapping my moods along with my diet and the pattern is undeniable: when I go too long without food, I lose my grip on my sanity. My brain just ceases to function properly. So we're all about snacks around here these days. I discovered the loveliness that is Lara Bars, and then proceeded to start making my own. I made two batches of that gummy, delicious, datey goodness... and then I killed my food processor. Truly: there was smoke. Smoke. In my kitchen. I had to finish that batch by hand (ever hand processed upwards of four cups of dates with just a chef's knife? Big fun, let me tell ya). If you have recommendations for food processors that can handle several cups of dates, I'm all ears (or eyes, as it were).

It may still come down to medication. For now, though, this is what we're trying and I am happy and relieved to say that it's helping.

Today was a good day. And, at long last, I can say I am hopeful that tomorrow will be a good day, too.